Quite Like You Before
by Lint
Summary: Three months with Barry and it's like she suddenly understands why people make such a big deal about this kind of thing.


He's the last person she ever expected to see being wheeled into the lab.

The heartbeat is steady, brain activity too, it's just lights out for the conscious mind. The odds of being struck by lightning are astronomical, even if she allows that said lightning was created by a malfunctioning particle accelerator, the fact that it struck Barry Allen of all people? Well, she'd have to ask Cisco for the math on that.

Once he's settled, machines and monitors all operating properly, a hand reaches out to stroke his cheek as if it can't be helped.

Cisco walks into the room at the opportune moment to witness the affection, brows creasing in confusion.

"You know this guy? He asks, question emphasized with a point of his lollipop.

"Yes actually," she replies, pulling her hand away. "Once upon a time."

/\

It's the kind of group study session that quickly dissolves into a party. Beer, shots, and pizza. Nothing fancy. But the only reason she'd even agreed to come, at her roommate's never ending insistence, was that there would be actual study.

She should have known better, being one of two people to actually show up with her books, the other a skinny mid-western looking kid with a bewildered expression. Their eyes meet in a serendipitous moment, each offering up their own copy of Organic Chemistry for the other to see, as if to prove their intentions were purely academic.

"Barry," he says introducing himself as he takes a seat next to her. "Barry Allen."

Something inside clams up as it always does in social situations, that guarded nature of hers forever keeping people at bay, even if she made a promise to herself that college would be different.

"Snow," she replies. "Uh, Caitlin Snow."

"I get the feeling we're the only ones who thought they might actually learn something today."

Someone cackles like a hyena, which causes the whole group to burst into laughter, beer bottles raised in triumph.

"You are probably correct in that assumption."

He laughs.

"I have a suggestion."

"Oh?"

"Let's actually study," he starts, putting his own text book in his lap. "Like the nerds we appear to be."

Interacting, she finds, is somewhat easier after that.

/\

Iris walks into the room in the middle of checking Barry's vitals, and Caitlin would like to attribute the complete halt in her movement to the catatonic state of the man in the bed, rather than her own presence.

"Caitlin," Iris says, unable the keep the surprise from her tone. "What are you doing here?"

Caitlin finishes inputting the data, same as yesterday and the day before, tucking the tablet under her arm and greeting her guest.

"Star Labs recruited me out of grad school," she answers.

Iris' head tilts at the revelation.

"Have you been in Central City since? Did Barry know?"

Both of their gazes fix on the main in question. No reaction of course, not even a twitch.

"No. I didn't-I didn't think he'd want to know."

Iris moves closer to the bed, runs an easy hand through Barry's hair.

"You are so wrong about that," she says, still focused on him. "He really loved you."

_Not as much as he loves you_, Caitlin doesn't say.

"It's not that simple," comes out of her mouth instead.

Iris doesn't respond to that.

"So you're his doctor then?" she says instead.

"Kind of."

"And you'll take good care of him?"

"Of course I will. Iris-"

"Then that's all that matters," Iris interrupts, stopping the conversation.

/\

It's kind of strange, having a boyfriend. Not that she didn't date in high school. But it hardly was anything steady, not quite finding a match in the sea of insecurity and immaturity, it never went beyond one or two outings.

Three months with Barry and it's like she suddenly understands why people make such a big deal about this kind of thing. He's sweet, thoughtful, and so incredibly enthusiastic with just about everything it's hard not to get swallowed up in it. Little by little, her guard lowers, and he never once gets frustrated it's there at all.

What she likes best is how seemingly uncomplicated it is. Books, TV, and movies do nothing for romance but make it look like endless drama. She and Barry merely enjoy each others company, study, and hold hands at parties. There are harlequin moments, like how he never lets them part ways even if it's just a few hours, without kissing her goodbye.

It's simple.

Perfect.

/\

Joe West is sitting in a chair next to Barry's bed when she approaches, head tilting in an identical motion to his daughter, and she makes a mental note about hereditary body language for further study.

"Miss Snow," he says in greeting.

"Doctor," she corrects automatically, biting her lip in regret, but not completely sorry because she didn't spend all those years in school for nothing.

"Doctor," Joe concedes with an easy grin. "How's my boy?"

Her heart flutters a little at the statement, remembering the first time they met, how their father/son dynamic was so real yet effortless.

"All vitals are stable," she answers, pulling them up on her tablet. "No changes in brain activity or heart rate."

She doesn't have answers for why Barry won't wake up, though she wishes she did. Dr. Wells seems oddly nonplussed about getting them, so there's entirely no pressure in the whole situation, at least on the days Iris and Joe don't visit.

Not everyone hit by the storm is comatose. Nor is everyone dead like... A sharp intake of breath, visually noticeable as Joe's eyes deepen in concern, and she pushes all thoughts of Ronnie out of her mind.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

"Fine," she lies, looking away. "I'll let you have some privacy."

She's gone before Joe can insist otherwise.

/\

She knows they have an expiration date the minute she meets Iris.

Two years into dating Barry when he brings her home for Christmas, she excited and nervous, hoping her instinctual standoffishness isn't taken for an insult. The house is lavishly decorated, Barry explaining that Iris goes all out for the holiday, and if hearing her name the girl appears from another room and takes a running leap into Barry's arms.

Caitlin thinks nothing of it at first, endless tales of growing up in the same house as his best friend in the world, pleased to see him so happy in the moment. It's a mere second later that she feels something shift, that they cling just a little too long, Barry's chin dipping to rest on her shoulder. Her inner guard flashes red lights and rings warning bells. She puts on her best smile and pushes them away.

The visit lasts only a few days, but it takes Caitlin just one to realize that Barry is in love with Iris. It's not any particular thing he does, but an amalgamation of countless little moments. How he speaks, looks, and acts around her. As if she's the pinnacle of human endeavor. Oh, he'd never admit it, not to her, but she knows what she sees.

It's painstakingly difficult to fight the oncoming cold seeping into her veins, when they travel back to school, but she knows herself and what will happen. Little by little, she'll freeze him out, and he'll probably never understand why.

/\

"Where am I?"

Not a word. Not a blink. Not a movement. For nine months Barry has laid in that bed with no change in his condition, but when Cisco plays a slightly dated pop song, and his mind finds that this is the moment it's had enough?

Her training kicks in, pushing all emotion aside, she's on him with a stethoscope and pen light taking readings.

"Pulse 120. Pupils equally reactive to light."

He is dazed, and shifty, breathing heavily.

"Look at me," she insists trying to get his attention. "Look at me."

Cisco tells him to relax, that he's okay, but Barry doesn't seem to hear him. Only when he says Star Labs does it illicit a response.

"Star labs? Who are you?"

"I'm Cisco Ramon. She's Caitlin, uh, Dr. Snow. But you know that."

Barry looks at her then, and she braces herself for the reaction to come, but there isn't any recognition in his eyes. The stare he gives her is as blank as the one given to Cisco.

She offers up the specimen cup in hand.

"I need you to urinate in this."

Cisco calmly plucks it away from here. "Not this second," he chides.

Barry has had enough, stepping away and tossing his hands up in defense.

"What is happening? What is going on?"

"You were struck by lightning, dude!"

He's still disoriented. Nothing of what they're trying to tell him seems to register. Only when Cisco drops the C word does Barry appear to grasp the gravity of the situation.

"For how long?"

Dr. Wells makes his entrance then, grabbing everyone's attention, and after a few minutes of calm and informative chat, escorts Barry away from the cortex.

"He had no idea who I was," she says once they're out of view.

Cisco is sympathetic.

"Well, that sucks."

/\

It takes months before Barry takes a hint. That he didn't do anything wrong. That she doesn't want to be wooed back into a relationship. Months of ignored calls, text messages, and knocks on her door. Months of telling herself she can't be second. Not when he was her first. First real boyfriend. First real love. She drops out of that social circle. Studies hard and graduates with honors. Chooses graduate school in Coast City because it's the furthest place she got accepted into.

The walls she'd built around herself go back up, and she doesn't let anyone in for a long, long time.

Not until she's introduced to a man named Ronnie Raymond.

/\

The lightning didn't just nearly kill Barry. It changed him. Made him more. So much more than human. It shouldn't be possible, but he can move faster than people can blink. Dr. Wells always insists, that anything is possible in theory, but it scares her what his existence now means for the world. She worries, so much, that this ability will hurt him more than benefit.

Everyone is on an abandoned stretch of test track they're still allowed to access, testing him, seeing what this power can do. He keeps staring at her, as if her face is one he recognizes from a crowd, and she keeps thinking that any given moment the memory of her will just hit him, but it never does.

"What?" she asks when one of those stares just a little too long for her liking.

"Nothing," he says. "I just noticed you don't smile too much."

Direct hit, that statement. Straight into a heart that's been broken since Ronnie died. Since it all went wrong. Since Barry woke up and doesn't remember a single thing about her.

"My once promising career in bioengineering is over," she manages to say evenly. "My boss is in a wheelchair for life. The explosion that put you in a coma? Also killed my fiance. So this blank expression, kind of feels like the way to go."

She's about to step away, when his hand catches her wrist, a firm but gentle tug like when he used to pull her close. For a single, fleeting second, she thinks he's going to kiss her. That, even though she is a blank spot in his mind, somewhere deep inside those old feelings still resonate.

"Caitlin," he says. "This is going to sound weird, but do we, I mean have we met before?"

Wind whips hair into her face, giving the moment pause as she tucks it behind her ear, answering the only way she can with a smile.


End file.
